Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
