You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
