Porn is love you can see.
We named our party play list daddy issues
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
