I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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