i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
