hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
