Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
