I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
