I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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