whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
