did you get engaged???
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
