New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
