so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
