Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
