Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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