Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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