Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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