Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
