oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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