So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
