yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
