whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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