I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
