Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He has the fingertips of a God
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