morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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