he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
