Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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