Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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