But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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