areolas are like halos for boobs.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
