before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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