i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
