she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
