is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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