Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
