Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
