quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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