Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
