You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
