No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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