best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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