I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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