So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
