i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
