What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
