shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
