The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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