he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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