i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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