Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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