the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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