Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
