Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
