My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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