Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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