help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
