he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he thought i was a dude.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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