We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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