just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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