I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
