I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
