i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
