i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
