There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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