Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
