# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
