i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
