I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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