Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
