I hate your face
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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