I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
